Risking a thong at my age… is that why skies are gray??
Look… there’s some sunshine in the forecast… sort of
It’s shaping to be a funny day. Not funny as in ha-ha, but funny as in odd. No, I can’t blame the noisy neighbors for my ramblings, though they are still here. I suppose seeing as it’s after check-out time on Friday they will most likely be here through the weekend. Oh well, I suppose the silver lining would be the way their RV is parked. It blocks a good deal of the wind. Awww… look at me being all glass half full and looking on the bright side of things
Speaking of bright… I’m starting to think the thing that is setting me off is the sunshine today. Well, it’s not really “sunshine” as I remember it. It’s more a matter of the sky being bright… really really bright. But again, it’s odd because there really isn’t any blue sky to be seen. No rays of golden sun poking through puffy white clouds. But I can see that it’s there, hiding… not playing peek-a-boo… just hiding.
You are my sunshine… my only sunshine…
I know it doesn’t look bright but trust me… it’s BRIGHT. So bright I wanted to put my sunglasses on when I walked down to the laundry room. But then again, maybe it’s just that I haven’t seen the sunshine in so long I’m developing some sort of vampire-esque qualities. Nah… I put a lot of garlic in that sauce yesterday and it didn’t kill me.
Anyway, boring stuff… I know. So let’s talk about something important. Like the fact that when I put my jeans on this morning (Yes, real clothes, two days in a row!) they were tight. Bloody hell… that’s odd! (Said in my best British accent) Okay, not really odd. I’ve been eating a lot of junk and my portion sizes are out of control. But I’m not talking about a little bit tight here… like, if you do a few deep knee bends they’ll loosen up and feel fine.
Oh no my friends. I’m talking about the kind of tight where even after the knee bends you’re unable to tuck in even the thinnest of camisole, over which of course you’ll wear a bulky sweater. I’m talking the kind of tight where in addition to the calisthenics your only panty choice is the thong. Not just to avoid the panty lines, but to get that extra 1/16 of an inch space for your toosh!
Now, at my age and present “plumpness” wearing a thong is risky business. But not in a cool Tom Cruise & Rebecca De Mornay kind of way.
More like a “Holy crap what if I slip and break a hip!” kind of way. They wouldn’t have to worry about fixing my bones for I would surely die of embarrassment. Can you just imagine the conversation in the ER?…
Nurse 1: “Wow, I guess this one’s Momma didn’t teach her the ’You should always wear clean undies’ rule.”
Nurse 2: “Why is that?”
Nurse 1: “Because she’s not wearing any. Strange for a woman her age. Don’t you think?”
Nurse 2: “Hmm… yeah. Oooops, wait… here’s her undies… they were just really buried in her butt crack and tucked under her FUPA!!”
Oh the horror of it all!! And yet, I take that chance and don the butt-floss and suffer through the itchy tag in the jeans (which is why I normally tuck in my camisole… not to be confused with camel toe… which is another problem entirely) just so that I don’t have to buy a bigger size. Yes… really. You see I’m now up to a size 12 (EEEEK!!! I said it!) and I absolutely refuse to bump up into the “Terrible Teens”. Petty… perhaps. Foolish… for sure. But I just can’t bring myself to do it.
I’m hoping, against all hope, that the tightness around my tummy will be enough of a reminder and incentive to cut back on the crap I’ve been eating. I’m sure it won’t lessen my lust for the perfect libation, because I’ve been guilty of trading food points for alcohol points in the past. But hey… that’s a start!
Okay, while sitting here my jeans have stretched to moderately comfortable and I feel certain that I could sneeze and not send my button careening through the window. That can mean only one thing… It’s happy hour?!? Sadly no… it’s time to get some work done. But maybe just one little glass of wine wouldn’t hurt.
Happy Friday Folks!
*This post was moved from another blog I am taking down*